Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Is sex a need or a want for men?


There are two ways by which a kid can get her favorite ice cream from her mum. The first and most common one is when she tells her Mum to buy her a very nice scoop of vanilla and in return she will do the dishes all summer. The other option is to warn her mum that if she (the mother) refuses to buy her the ice cream, then she would cry all day till the neighbors call the cops. These are the two ways by which a kid could get her favorite yoghourt or strawberry. In psychology the former technique is called positive reinforcement whiles the latter is negative. People are generally motivated by different things in life. Some are motivated by food , money , hug and sex (why did I bring this one last?)


What might be a motivator for someone is an absolute punishment for another. My question however is “Is sex a motivator for everyone?” I have heard stories of big pot-bellies bank managers who were compelled to sign cheques for huge sums of moneys just because of this “motivator”. I have never gotten the chance to discuss this issue with anyone who has been really involved in such not-so-exciting situations though. Putting me in these scenarios is one Gigabyte more than what my mind can handle.


For footballers and athletes for that matter, the ultimate motivator I have come to realize is not really the weekly fat salaries or bonuses they receive. I guess it has more to do with the prestige in being called a Champions League winner or a three time Olympic medalist. It is because of the honor buried in such ornaments that boxers die in rings, footballers break their legs and tennis players get joint dislocations. I am very much fascinated by the way people are steered to behave in a particular manner because of certain metals, plastics or wooden objects.


Husbands have been put in order mainly because their wives refused them sex until they put up a certain behavior. And gosh! I hear it works like crazy!! Thanks to women rights activists certain legislations such as the Domestic Violence bill in Ghana and other similar ones elsewhere, have made it even more effective than it used to be. I am not a legal brain, I must admit, it is my understanding however that this law is powerful enough to enable the woman ask you to “STOP” when you don’t really really want to stop, or should I say when you really really cannot do so. And these commands could come from the very women, men have spent millions to engage or marry. So for this reason there is no trespassing for the man, at least not without spending a couple of days behind bars. Does this make sex a motivator? Sex is a “thank you” souvenir in other times. I guess when this is done men are more likely going to put up the same kind of behavior that led to such an award. Men – sex, sex – men, I don’t see any synonyms here so then why the relation?




What if men rather told their partners there will be no sex for them until they have washed all the curtains in the household and attended to the laundry! How many women would be motivated by this directive and do as they are told? Hmmm I can see fewer hands in this case. So then does it mean that sex is more of need to the man than to the woman? Something isn’t certainly isn’t right.

7 comments:

Gameli Magnus Adzaho said...

I think the biological makeup of men make them very much attracted to sex. I'm not in a position to declare if it's a need or want at this stage. However, for our women folk, their very veiled expressions makes it difficult to generalise their feelings on an issue as sensitive as sex. I await what the other readers think

polymorphism said...

Sex is a social need (male and female). Its more prominent as a motivating factor for males.

philip said...

well i think its something of a want that has always transformed into a need after it being tasted.most men can stay put and abstain from sex until they get married ba after that they become beasts in dying need of sex.its cos of this that a rule has been passed in afghanistan allowing men to hav sex with their wives every 4days..yes every 4days.the men hav come to an understanding that sex has now become more of a need and women must try their best to avail themselves when need arise. their women went on a demonstration which was to no avail.it actually ended up with most of them being stoned at by their men.can u imagine an angry afghan man waiting patiently at home with stones for his wife to return for him to teach her who is who? whew....the women say it allows for rape but for now i dnt actually know wat to say since i'm not yet there to feel things myself.till then i think the afghan men are rit...heheheheheheheheee

Tagoe said...

Philip I think the Afghan culture is very different form any other one you and I have experienced. Women were deprived of education and even voting. There are lots of professions in Afghanistan where women are banned form applying to. So I am not really surprised they have come up with this "every 4 days" sex law. I am yet to read on it though

BRIGHT NKANSAH said...

I think the factors influencing whether sex becomes a mans need or want may be intrinsic and extrinsic. It may depend on the mans attitude or habit as well as that of the 'sex provider' or better still the level of the mans accessibility and availability to the 'sex'. I couldnt agree more with philips' introductory comment on how sex may be transformed from a want to a need. I stand to be corrected but "sex is sweet" and very few people will disagree with me. Comparable with anything tasty we may have come across, obsessions with regards to sex may be developed to various degrees from which it may be reffered to as a need or a want.
The intensity of the desire to have sex may be distributed equally among men and women but i strongly believe environmantal factors especially their cultural backgrounds, beliefs and perception tend to make it seems as though sex is a need for men (just a Gameli implied). The perceptions of most people in my country Ghana including those who helped develop the laws on Domestic Violence are such that men provide sex and women recieve sex; an idea that may be wrongly based on the shapes of their genital organs. In my area, this perception is evident in the difficulty with which women may demand sex which they so desire. The demand for sex is so glued to lips of men that it appears as though men are constantly demanding sex therby making it look more like a need than a want for men.

In conclusion, I would say that with the exception of a few individuals, the least sex could be is a 'want' for both men and women. However, bad environmental influences tend to make it look as though sex is 'need' for men.

Tagoe said...

I wasnt so amazed when I read on BBC that the female activists planned on embarking on a week-long sex ban so just so that their men could do some 'thinking'.

You can read more about it on....
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8025457.stm

Eche Sica said...

This was an excellent post Tagoe. I enjoyed reading it. See, i have no doubt at all the sex is a need. As a Catholic i have always pondered whether celibacy has hurt or aided the Catholicism. I once thought it should be scrapped because no one can live without sex. But obviously Rome doesn't think so. In my limited view i just can't see how anyone can live without sex...definitely a need.