Lessons from David Letterman- why do men cheat?

I do realize I am no authority when questions relating to social issues come up, and that is even the very reason why I have put this question up. I find it bizarre and very difficult to believe when I hear ‘’it is normal for men to cheat”. My defense does not even encompass religious or moral restrictions but rather issues of common sense. I personally think it is disheartening when an individual hears that a partner cheated on her.

I read on yahoo yesterday about how David Letterman, revealed on his late night television program that he had had sexual involvements with women from his program. I personally do admire the courage with which he put his reputation on the line and offered an emotional apology to his dear wife, Regina Lasko. Some however say he was forced to apologize in order to untangle himself from the 2million dollar blackmailing tether that hung round his neck.



The Question is why on earth do men cheat?
Bill Clinton whiles occupying the highest office on earth, cheated on his ambitious wife, Hillary and the Monica Lewinsky scandal is one thing I am sure Bill will never forget. I spoke to a few friends and to be frank most of them seemed to see the cheating experiences on the part of the men as normal happenings that come with life.

It has to do with the ambitious nature man is born with. For man to live life and enjoy it to the fullest, man (male and female) has ingrained in his DNA a nature that is set to explore the world more and more every time. And that is why we have space explorations and human cloning laboratories today. Man is therefore created to be dissatisfied with one condition after a certain period of time. I may be wrong but I guess this is the root of promiscuity among men. After living with a partner for a long while (long while is actually relative, for some it is just a week for others it could be a decade), they get fed up and perhaps decide to explore more of what life has to offer. And these explorations land them into some trouble. This was actually the best explanation to my question so far.

This explanation however led me to a few more questions. Questions like, “if this hypothesis is true then why are males the ones who get fed up?””Is it that fewer women cheat than men, or more men are caught than men?”, “why is it that some men do not cheat at all?”

I want a break up !!

“I want us to take some time off”, “I think we went too fast let’s take it slow…”, “I think you will be happier with someone else…”, “this relationship is not working”, “I don’t think your Mama likes me,…”, “can we be just friends from now on?”. These are but a few of the phrases we hear from either the lady or the gentleman when a relationship is just about to expire. Anyone who has been through such moments knows how painful an experience it is, even for the terminator of the relationship.

I know of a thousand and one books and resources that provide people with the necessary skills to con a lady (or a man……….in some rare cases), I am however yet to find such similar resources that teach individuals the best way to break up. Breaking-up undoubtedly is a very dicey subject and an emotional act as well. It’s so inflammable an issue such that even the “experts” discuss it with caution. I have been thinking of which is the best way, if there is any , to call it quits with a partner you have shared your best moments with?

In lots of cases partners come up with all sorts of excuses so as to come out of a ready-to-crash relationship. I have actually heard of instances where the man’s moustache was a reason for break-up. The slightest omission or negligence from one partner could become a very good platform for a termination of relationship.

The mode of termination is even an issue most of the time (or should I say all the time). The ‘text message’ technique I hear is the most cowardly yet least stressful technique; a break up txt message is composed by the terminator in 160 characters or more (which is mostly the case) and sent to the other partner. The phone is then turned off, a new SIM card is inserted and life goes on. It sounds quite simple on paper…..huh? Trust me it is more difficult than keeping the Ghana cedi stable .The jilted would at all cost want some sort of explanation or compensation (or should I say Ex-gratia?). That is the part which makes breaking up a nasty ordeal; the aftereffect of the termination.

The re-bound effect is a very common trap people fall into after a break-up. Individuals in their attempt to get over the break-up tend to spend more time with some other closer pals, usually of the opposite sex. These people, who are to serve as consolers, end up taking advantage of the affected. Experts say this time is the most vulnerable period in the break-up cycle. The urge to replace a lost boyfriend or girlfriend is very likely going to lead to someone taking advantage of you.

What about the partners who have broken up and yet do all they used to do when they were in the relationship and perhaps even more? I guess we all know how difficult it is to really really stick to a break-up, especially when the couple keeps on seeing each other.  There is an African proverb which literally means it is easy to put used firewood back on.

How many times must one break-up in order to find the right person? Is it once, five times or is it twenty times?

Is sex a need or a want for men?

There are two ways by which a kid can get her favorite ice cream from her mum. The first and most common one is when she tells her Mum to buy her a very nice scoop of vanilla and in return she will do the dishes all summer. The other option is to warn her mum that if she (the mother) refuses to buy her the ice cream, then she would cry all day till the neighbors call the cops. These are the two ways by which a kid could get her favorite yoghourt or strawberry. In psychology the former technique is called positive reinforcement whiles the latter is negative. People are generally motivated by different things in life. Some are motivated by food , money , hug and sex (why did I bring this one last?)

What might be a motivator for someone is an absolute punishment for another. My question however is “Is sex a motivator for everyone?” I have heard stories of big pot-bellies bank managers who were compelled to sign cheques for huge sums of moneys just because of this “motivator”. I have never gotten the chance to discuss this issue with anyone who has been really involved in such not-so-exciting situations though. Putting me in these scenarios is one Gigabyte more than what my mind can handle.

For footballers and athletes for that matter, the ultimate motivator I have come to realize is not really the weekly fat salaries or bonuses they receive. I guess it has more to do with the prestige in being called a Champions League winner or a three time Olympic medalist. It is because of the honor buried in such ornaments that boxers die in rings, footballers break their legs and tennis players get joint dislocations. I am very much fascinated by the way people are steered to behave in a particular manner because of certain metals, plastics or wooden objects.

Husbands have been put in order mainly because their wives refused them sex until they put up a certain behavior. And gosh! I hear it works like crazy!! Thanks to women rights activists certain legislations such as the Domestic Violence bill in Ghana and other similar ones elsewhere, have made it even more effective than it used to be. I am not a legal brain, I must admit, it is my understanding however that this law is powerful enough to enable the woman ask you to “STOP” when you don’t really really want to stop, or should I say when you really really cannot do so. And these commands could come from the very women, men have spent millions to engage or marry. So for this reason there is no trespassing for the man, at least not without spending a couple of days behind bars. Does this make sex a motivator? Sex is a “thank you” souvenir in other times. I guess when this is done men are more likely going to put up the same kind of behavior that led to such an award. Men – sex, sex – men, I don’t see any synonyms here so then why the relation?

What if men rather told their partners there will be no sex for them until they have washed all the curtains in the household and attended to the laundry! How many women would be motivated by this directive and do as they are told? Hmmm I can see fewer hands in this case. So then does it mean that sex is more of need to the man than to the woman? Something isn’t certainly isn’t right.