Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I want a break up !!

“I want us to take some time off”, “I think we went too fast let’s take it slow…”, “I think you will be happier with someone else…”, “this relationship is not working”, “I don’t think your Mama likes me,…”, “can we be just friends from now on?”. These are but a few of the phrases we hear from either the lady or the gentleman when a relationship is just about to expire. Anyone who has been through such moments knows how painful an experience it is, even for the terminator of the relationship.

I know of a thousand and one books and resources that provide people with the necessary skills to con a lady (or a man……….in some rare cases), I am however yet to find such similar resources that teach individuals the best way to break up. Breaking-up undoubtedly is a very dicey subject and an emotional act as well. It’s so inflammable an issue such that even the “experts” discuss it with caution. I have been thinking of which is the best way, if there is any , to call it quits with a partner you have shared your best moments with?

In lots of cases partners come up with all sorts of excuses so as to come out of a ready-to-crash relationship. I have actually heard of instances where the man’s moustache was a reason for break-up. The slightest omission or negligence from one partner could become a very good platform for a termination of relationship.

The mode of termination is even an issue most of the time (or should I say all the time). The ‘text message’ technique I hear is the most cowardly yet least stressful technique; a break up txt message is composed by the terminator in 160 characters or more (which is mostly the case) and sent to the other partner. The phone is then turned off, a new SIM card is inserted and life goes on. It sounds quite simple on paper…..huh? Trust me it is more difficult than keeping the Ghana cedi stable .The jilted would at all cost want some sort of explanation or compensation (or should I say Ex-gratia?). That is the part which makes breaking up a nasty ordeal; the aftereffect of the termination.

The re-bound effect is a very common trap people fall into after a break-up. Individuals in their attempt to get over the break-up tend to spend more time with some other closer pals, usually of the opposite sex. These people, who are to serve as consolers, end up taking advantage of the affected. Experts say this time is the most vulnerable period in the break-up cycle. The urge to replace a lost boyfriend or girlfriend is very likely going to lead to someone taking advantage of you.

What about the partners who have broken up and yet do all they used to do when they were in the relationship and perhaps even more? I guess we all know how difficult it is to really really stick to a break-up, especially when the couple keeps on seeing each other.  There is an African proverb which literally means it is easy to put used firewood back on.

How many times must one break-up in order to find the right person? Is it once, five times or is it twenty times?


eyuseh said...

I agree with you that break ups are one of the most painful things in the world to experience, I wouldn't even wish it on my enemies.

That said, there are quite a number of books and articles that treat the subject of breaking-up quite thoroughly.From relationship books to articles in magazines like cosmopolitan, et al.

My perspective on break ups is that,sometimes it is simply better to be without the other person for various reasons. However, some people just seem to base their fleeting,flimsy and distorted perception of what a relationship should be like and take hasty decisions.What I mean is that, some people have for example the idea that when two people fight a lot,it means their not good for each other.In some cases they consider ethnicity or how rich the person(or his/her parents) is to judge if they want to quit or hang on.

I suppose it all boils down to if the two people in question are willing to LOVE each other, by going the extra mile: to trust more, to be kinder, to be generous, to forgive, to care etc.
Simply put, relationships are not easy, but breaking up does not really solve it. What matters most is what the two people are willing to do to make the relationship work.

Good one Eddy!(this one be ALLEGATION

Edward: said...

eyuseh I am pretty sure there are resources that highlight this break-up issue. There even are resources on how to deliver a baby at But the point I was actually driving at was what you mentioned in your comment 'breaking up ain't the solution.....unless of course you girl is refusing to support Obama'. Divorce is just as crispy an issue as a break-up. As young person in relationships, our lives would be better off in the future in times or hardship if we can muster getting over this breaking up syndrome.... Breaking up ain't the answer period

Esi W. Cleland said...

:) lai momo..
but i think one go at a relationship is enough. I don't believe in the on again off again relationships.


Relationships, the name itself bears its complexity. As complex as relationships may be, breakups may may sound a usual part. For a christian gentleman like myself, i'd like to base it on the bible. Personally, I believe break-ups can and should always be avoided in a relationship (marriage) else why would Jesus make adultery and death the only basis for divorce. A Christian cannot enter marriage thinking: 'If it doesn't work out, I can always divorce.' Marriage is to be viewed as a permanent bond. LOVE AND HONOUR are two of these that people may not take serious so that they find themselves stumbling.

God's Word commands: "In showing honor to one another take the lead." (Romans 12:10) If you can, make the sacrifice before your mate asks it of you. After all, something obtained after repeated requests has already lost part of its value. Instead, each partner in a marriage should cultivate the habit of taking the initiative in showing honor to the other.

For instance, husbands are commanded to be "assigning [the wife] honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, . . . in order for [their] prayers not to be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7) If a husband does not give his wife honor, even his prayers to God will be adversely affected. What, though, is meant by honoring one's wife? It means taking her into consideration at all times, listening to her opinions, giving her first choice in various matters much of the time. And the wife can honor the husband in the same way, by working to be a cooperative helpmate.—Genesis 21:12; Proverbs 31:10-31.

God's Word says: "Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation." How much love did Christ have for his followers? He was willing to die for them. The Bible also states: "Let each one of you [husbands] individually so love his wife as he does himself." (Ephesians 5:28-33) And God's Word tells wives "to love their husbands, . . . subjecting themselves to their own husbands, so that the word of God may not be spoken of abusively."—Titus 2:4, 5.


Edward: said...

@ Esi -- Personally I think a one time break up is not really enough for one to get the best person. I am not really saying that jumping from one person to another is a good thing. But to know what is needs to know what is wrong!

U know what they say...if your kid drowns is a river, that shouldn't prevent you from drinking water, lest die

Edward: said...

@ Bright-- Thanks bright for the reminder. I am sure time have changed since that biblical statement was made. What are the options for a woman whose husband only drinks and beats her up every evening? Are you saying because this is not adultery or death, the lady does no deserve a better life? Marriage is better than that....I guess !!!

novisi said...

let the debate continue but one thing is for sure and that is the fact that 'thee golden rule is that there is no golden rule'

every relationship is part of this whole experience of life! one should just live it!

and breathe!!!

Lemoip said...

As we all know romantic relationships can begin with joy, excitement and sometimes you cherish the relationship to the extent that you forget about your own 'boys-boys'. I strongly believe break-ups can be torture especially those with no tangible reasons (bad break-ups).
Your life can be turned upside down and inside out but that is not the end of the world. I guess there are more fishes in the pond.
These days there are more desperate ladies in the world wanting to just go out with a guy for at least a single night When one door closes another opens.

As a friendly advice I think your website should be displayed at either the top right or left sidebar.

Edward: said...

@ Lemoip|| Hi there I very much impressed with you piece of advice and comment. I will do well to incorporate. I however would be pleased to know much more about your blog and what your interests are. You seem to be into something I would love to know more about!